Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
