sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
