Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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