and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
