I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
