I didn't shave. On purpose
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
