My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
