theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
