he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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