he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
