seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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