We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
