I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
