How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I cockslap morals
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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