I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
