Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
