im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
