id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
