you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
