I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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