You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
