I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
