I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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