I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
