i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
