I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
