god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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