Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
