he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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