i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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