I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
