My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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