fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
