I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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