Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
