Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
