You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
