Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
