Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
time to smoke my breakfast
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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