This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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