I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
