you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
