There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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