and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
