Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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