.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
