two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
