I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
