Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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