mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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