does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
