Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
foreskin is a definite game changer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
