He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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