I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
